


The Lions Go Undercover

by lilbadgerpal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Sweater Weather | Coast to Coast - lumosinlove
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hockey, Canon-typical swearing, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Innuendo, Inspired by Sweater Weather | Coast to Coast - lumosinlove, M/M, Multi, mostly just jokey hockey family and starstruck fans, thank u haz for these goofy boys, thanks sw/c2c discord for the motivation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27112061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilbadgerpal/pseuds/lilbadgerpal
Summary: The Gryffindor Lions media staff decide to surprise some fans and prank some teammates and staff by having various players go undercover in the stands, on the ice, and on the town.Characters and universe from the lovely @lumosinlove and her Sweater Weather and Coast to Coast fics.Inspired in part by this video:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd7km6Au01g
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Logan Tremblay/Leo Knut/Finn O'Hara, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 98





	1. Finn O’Hara Undercover in Lions Preseason Game 2: Avs @ Lions

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the SW/C2C Discord server for being so enthusiastic and encouraging of my ideas. You lot are so fun to be around and talk with.  
> Also, this is the first piece of my creative writing I've posted online since my shitty wattpad and ffn PJO and HP fics back in the day. I'm still here, writing fanfic (hopefully it's a bit less shit) and I've finally worked up the courage to post again (!!!). Happy to be back and under a completely different screen name so no one can ever know my dark, dark past.  
> Anyways...enjoy! Let me know if there are any other situations you'd like to see a specific character in. I love writing about these hockey nerds :D

**Finn:** Hey Lions fans, Finn O’Hara here. Today we’ve got a little surprise for those of you in the stands for today’s game. It’s time for me to go undercover.

_ Upbeat music plays over a timelapse of thousands of fans pouring into Hogwarts stadium for the second preseason game of the 2020-2021 season. Cut to Finn O’Hara in a swivel chair in front of a makeup artist with a spoolie poised over Finn’s eyebrows, gluing them down. _

**Marlene McKinnon** (voiceover) **:** With O’Hara being held out of today’s game as a precaution after a wrist sprain during the last game against the Habs, we thought we’d take advantage of the opportunity to have a little fun at the boys’ expense and make some fans’ days in the process.

**Finn** : ( _ twirls to and fro in the swivel chair, giggling at the way the stylist follows him with his brushes) _ I’m sorry, man, I’ll stop.

_ Stylist picks up concealer and goes back to transforming Finn...until the hockey player gives one final grand spin, laughing like a little kid. _

_ Cut to a 360 shot of O’Hara, now in a wig and fake eyebrows and mustache. His usually dark red hair is a mousy brown and his upper lip is covered in a swishy stache. Freckles hidden under a layer of inconspicuous foundation and patented Bambi eyes obscured by green contact lenses, he’s a whole new man. _

**F:** My name for today is Randall Harman, the enthusiastic new rink staffer. These boys aren’t gonna know what hit them. 

_ Finn dons a Lions Crew hat, winks, and walks through the Staff door behind him. _

~~~

“I look like Tremzy’s dad!” Finn laughs raucously at his own reflection in the bathroom mirror, turning to look incredulously at Marlene and Dorcas behind the camera. “This is  _ so _ gonna work.”

The media duo follow him as he walks through the halls, trying their best to look innocuous.

“Hey, Coach.” Finn nods at Arthur Weasley in recognition and says the greeting in a fairly accurate impression of an older French-Canadian man. Arthur merely looks a little surprised at the new face and says a short “hey” back before passing him in favor of the locker room. Finn looks over his shoulder at the girls and flashes a toothy smile and a thumbs-up.

  
  


“I don’t really know what I’m supposed to be doing right now, Dorc and Marly here just let me loose and told me to ‘have fun’,” Finn explains while making his way to the rows of fans, “which was a terrible idea on their part really. So, I’m taking them at their word, and I’m gonna go have some fun.” Finn then promptly breaks away from the camera crew and climbs to some of the father-back seats. Picking a row with almost no empty seats, absolutely packed with families sat side-by-side, most with children. He smiles down at Dorcas for a fleeting moment, and then starts wedging himself between the backs of the chairs and the spectators legs.

“‘Scuse me, ‘scuse me, just forgot something ‘round here.” Finn picks his way across the entire row, almost to the other aisle lining it before leaning over and pretending to pick something up off the ground. He then turns right back around and takes the long way back to the aisle from whence he came, jostling fans decked out in red and gold with his oversized hockey limbs, filling the mic feed with rustling and Finn’s mumbled apologies. Many of the audience-members are laughing or cringing in second-hand embarrassment. One woman is hiding her face behind her hands to keep “Randall” from seeing her tears of laughter. When Finn finally breaks back into the aisle and takes a few steps down, he halts and makes a big show of slapping a hand to his forehead and turning back around. Again, he squeezes his way past about half of the oblivious and somewhat-annoyed fans before stopping at one of the only empty seats, pretending to look surprised. He plops down dramatically next to a small blonde girl, around 7 years old, with her hair in curly pigtails and wearing an oversized #10 jersey. She looks at him, smiling warily.

“Hey, Tremzy your favorite?” The girl nods her head vigorously, making her pigtails bob up and down. “He’s one of mine too. But what about that O’Hara guy? Number 17? What do you think of him, cap?” The girl giggles.

“He’s my  _ other _ favorite!” she says enthusiastically, her mother smiling on, though clearly confused as to why a team staff member is sitting in the stands with her daughter.

“Wow, what an honor! If you had to pick between the two, who’d you say is a better player?”

“I can’t choose! They’re best friends and friends don’t care who’s better at hockey.” The little girl sets her face into a wise expression. Finn slips a sharpie from out of his pocket.

“What’s your name? We’ve gotta get you on the staff!” The little girl beams.

“I’m Leah.”

“Well, Leah, can you turn around for me? I want to get a good look at that number one more time.” Leah turns in her seat obediently and Finn scribbles his signature onto the one printed across her back. Before she can even turn back around, Finn is shuffling back out of the row and jogging down the stairs. Dorcas pushes in tight onto Leah and her mum, both of them with looks of shock and awe on their faces. The mother laughs a little disbelievingly and Leah is clearly mouthing “That was Harzy!” repeatedly while straining to see the back of her jersey.

  
  


After a couple of other humorous interactions with fans milling about the arena and poking fun at the opposing team a few times, Finn sneaks in with the rest of the Lions coming back from second intermission. Spirits were high and determined to keep their 3-point lead, so “Randall” could make his way behind the bench with relatively no notice amongst the hullabaloo. Positioning himself in the slot right behind where Logan was sitting next to Leo on the bench, Finn struggled not to let the hilarity of the situation get to him. Dorcas got a great shot of him shaking with silent laughter, face pink behind the two oblivious boys. Logan and Leo carried on for a few minutes, leaning forward towards the action, shouting encouragement, and speaking sly comments into the other’s ear until the first TV break. Logan turned around to ask for a bottle of red gatorade, making eye contact with the imposter for the first time. As Finn handed him the bottle, Logan’s eyes narrowed at the little salute he gave him. Logan quickly turned back towards the ice. Leo caught the puzzled expression on Logan’s face and nudged him and raised an eyebrow in question. Luckily, Finn was close enough that his mic could pick up their conversation without the usual sounds of the game to muffle their voices.

“ Est-ce… est-ce que le nouveau gars ressemble un peu à Fish pour vous? That salute…” Logan said sheepishly. Leo looked skeptical, but turned around in his seat to look up at the figure. Finn smiled coolly back. When Leo snapped back around his eyes widened meaningfully and he drained the last of the water in his bottle.

“Voulez-vous me donner un peu plus d'eau s'il vous plaît?” Leo asked the man behind him. Dorcas could see Finn’s ears turn red all the way from where she was filming out at the corner of the rink.

“ _ I don’t speak fucking French _ , Nut.” Finn looked surprised as soon as the words left his mouth. “DAMN IT!” Logan and Leo doubled over in laughs. Dorcas pulls in tight on Finn’s jokingly-frustrated face as he stares directly into the camera.

~~~

**Finn** : That was me, Finn O’Hara, undercover in the stands and on the bench.  _ (The camera zooms out to reveal Logan and Leo looking smug).  _ Aaannd, I was caught. Give this video a like and subscribe down below. Thanks for watching.  _ (He salutes the camera, making the two boys next to him burst into laughter.) _

_ Cut to black. Screen lights one more time with a stinger clip. Finn is walking around in the crowded atrium of the stadium, deliberately dropping armfuls of pucks at the feet of unsuspecting fans. His fake-accented apologizing is made worse by the laughs he can’t stifle. When a group of teenage fans bend to help him gather the stray pucks and see that they’re marked with Finn O’Hara’s signature and number, their faces snap up and get a proper look at Finn, making him completely break character and shake their hands. Many Lions fans get a picture with Harzy and a signed puck that evening. _


	2. Cap and Pots vs. Customer Service

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and James dip their toes into a new career field. Chaos, as often does in regards to these two, follows.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a bit more of a content warning for this chapter for descriptions of food and a few suggestive lines, along with the usual swearing. and another warning for terrible French. I apologize for butchering your lovely language. proceed with caution, please!

_ James Potter and Sirius Black stand in a bustling kitchen with a brick oven and massive pots of steaming sauces. They’re wearing white button-ups and black aprons with name tags that say “Jack” and “Sean” respectively. _

**Sirius Black and James Potter, together:** Hey everyone!

**Sirius:** I’m your Gryffindor Lions captain, Sirius Black.

**James:** and I’m his faithful sidekick, James freakin’ Potter and today we’re going to annoy the [ _ bleep _ ] out of our lovely teammates.

**Sirius (stifling laughter):** Pots and I have been thinking, what are we gonna do if hockey doesn’t end up working out for us? And then the idea hit us— we’ve gone to our local pizza spot enough, they might as well hand us an apron by now. 

**James:** So, the lovely people at Sid’s Pizza have agreed to let us try out the gig, and on the team dinner night no less!

**Sirius:** Everyone except for our media team here currently thinks we’re on a presser trip tonight for playoff team leaders. But we’re suited up in a new uniform tonight to sling some pizza.

**James:** But first, we’ll need to cover up our pesky visages. If Harzy finds out we lied our way out of a team dinner, we won’t hear the end of it. And Fish already talks all too much.

**Sirius:** So, disguise time, oui? 

**James:** Oui, mon chéri.

~~~

James and Sirius emerge out of the kitchen doors holding clipboards and coated in makeup that distort their features. James now appears to have much bushier eyebrows. His cheekbones and the bridge of his nose have transformed from prosthetics. Sirius has thick, square-framed glasses on and a goatee. He also has an augmented nose and both boys look significantly older. A Sid’s employee leads them both out to the table in the back room where half the team is already settling in, laughing raucously at the chirps being tossed back and forth.

“Hey folks, I’m Nate, I’ll be your waiter tonight, but I have some of my colleagues here to assist your party. The one with the glasses is Sean and Jack’s the other.” Both Sirius and James grin and give an attempt at shy-looking waves.

“Big fan of you guys,” James says, taking Dumo’s hand between his own and shakes it vigorously. Dumo grins and pats “Jack’s” shoulder in a fatherly sort of way, looking between him and his “colleague”.

“Glad to hear it.”

“Sean” coughs and James relinquishes Pascal’s hand. The two disguised hockey players do their best to keep up with Nate and bring out drinks and take new orders as the last of the players and extraneous staff members trickle in and start conversations amongst themselves. Sirius and James remain relatively unnoticed. That is until they start to get bored.

As directed by Nate, Sirius carries in a tray of pizza over his head and sets it in front of the Cubs.

“Here’s that large pepperoni pie with sausage for you three. Man, that looks delicious, mind if I just—” and he swipes up a piece and takes a generously-sized bite. “Oh, yeah that’s delicious. Thanks,” he manages through the mouthful of pizza, desperately hiding a smile behind his hand. Logan and Finn look at him incredulously and Leo snorts into his drink. Sirius throws down the rest of the slice back on the tray and walks away before any of them can say anything. The Cubs look bemused at each other before bursting into laughter.

“What the hell was that?” Finn chokes out between laughs. Both the other boys are too bogged down with unrestrained giggles to offer an answer as Dorcas zooms in on their faces from her covert hiding spot behind the curtain dividing the room from the rest of the floor. 

James takes Sirius’ stunt as his cue to start causing mischief of his own. He makes eye-contact with the camera and raises his eyebrows as if to say  _ make sure you get this, Meadowes _ . He begins grabbing down drinks from the tray he holds aloft.

“For Kuny, we’ve got a lager. For Nado, a dark and stormy. The lovely Olli Halla with a lemon drop, and Talker with the—oops!” James tosses Thomas’ margarita all over his front with a most unconvincing fake stumble. “Well, at least that’ll cover the smell.” James surveys the stain dripping all over his teammates shirt and lap and shrugs, turning away.

“ _ What _ the  _ shit _ ?” Thomas says, but rather than looking angry, he just looks shocked as the group around him laughs, clutching their sides. 

When the clock reads a quarter ‘til 8 pm, most of the team has become victims of James and Sirius’ hijinks. Celeste, asking for some lemon in her water, receives an entire lemon, unsliced, shoved haphazardly into her drink. Timmy orders a side salad, to which James replies “No, that’s lame,” and Brady gets a “kick me” sign (on paper that looks eerily similar to Sirius’ order notepad) taped to his back. Both Sirius and James frequently have to take a moment to regain composure with Dorcas in her stakeout. In short, all was going swimmingly. Right up to the moment Remus Lupin and Lily Evans walked through the curtain.

_ “Oh shit oh shit oh shit, _ ” Sirius says in an undertone, elbowing James until he follows his gaze.

“Oh, we’re busted.” James makes eye-contact with Marlene and Dorcas, who are peaking out from their perch, watching it all unfold. He mouths a panicked and amused “ _ what now? _ ” to which Marlene replies with a dramatic shrug and thumbs-up. Both Sirius and James look at each other, shaking their heads.

Meanwhile, Remus and Lily have found spots next to the Cubs, offering warm greetings to everyone at the table. 

“Hey boys, sorry we’re late. Harry didn’t want mama to leave,” Remus smiles fondly at Lily who smiles back, maybe a little sadly. “And mama didn’t want to leave Harry either.”

“Oh hush, I’m here now aren’t I? It’s just still a bit hard leaving him with James’ parents. He’s so damn cute.” Lily shakes her head as if trying to rid herself of the thought. Remus pats her hand kindly and hands her a menu.

“You’re lucky you didn’t have James with you. You’d still be at Fleamont and Euphemia’s,”

Remus says while nudging the red-head’s shoulder with his own. From where he is busying himself with napkin dispensers that don’t need refilling, James visibly perks up at his name, drifting his way over to the two newcomers. Dorcas follows him carefully with her camera, not wanting to miss this.

“That’s one reason…” Lily says, flipping the pages of the menu surreptitiously. Remus raises his eyebrow in a questioning look.

“Is there something going on between you two that I should know about? Because I have access to time alone with Potty and I’m not above grilling him.” Lily lets out a loud laugh, clear and bright. It draws a tender smile from James, who stands behind them, forgetting to feign busyness.

“No, Re. We’re good. We’re— we’re perfect. I just meant… well, I wanted to tell you first, and if James were here, the whole team would already know. This way, I beat him to it.” Remus nods, but continues looking more and more confused.

In that moment, “Sean” wheels through the curtains and, with a flourish, sets down a pineapple pizza in front of Remus.

“One disgusting monstrosity of a pizza for Lupin.” 

“How did you—I haven’t even—” but Remus cuts himself off when he catches the twinkling gray eyes of the waiter. “Uh, thank you… Sean…” Sirius flashes the mischievous grin that usually means one of his teammates has clear tape on their skate blades or he just finished one of the more…  _ unsavory _ parts of his pre-game routine. Remus knits his brows and gives a little “hm” as Sirius turns away.

“Oh! Ba—uh—Sean?” Sirius looks caught for a moment but turns back around with a winning smile. “Do you think you could get me a water as well?” Sirius lets out a breath and nods, making to stride off to the kitchens. But he is stopped by a warm hand on his bicep. “Oh, and one more thing. For dessert,” Remus says. Sirius readies his writing pad and pen. Remus tugs the hockey player’s arm, only succeeding in pulling his ear nearer to Remus’ mouth due to Sirius’ complete surprise at the situation. “I’d like  _ you _ , sweet thing.”

Remus relinquishes Sirius at that point, smiling innocently as if nothing happened. Sirius looks as if he just got up from a particularly bad hit, although perhaps a bit redder in the face.

“I’m not sure that’s on your diet plan, Mr. Lupin,” he manages in a monotone. Remus snorts.

“I’ll splurge.”

“And your boyfriend?”

“He’s not here… is he?” Sirius blush deepens to a threatening scarlet.

“Well… I—” but Sirius is saved the effort of searching for a response by Remus throwing back his head in a loud laugh.

“You don’t have the same mask when you're off the ice anymore, baby.” Sirius makes a face not dissimilar to Katie Dumais’ when she’s called a little girl (“ _ I am  _ seven and three quarters _. Je suis une  _ grande  _ fille.”) _

“Mon loup, you  _ scared _ me.” Sirius hits a laughing Remus’ shoulder with his notepad, but pulls him in for a kiss. “What do you think, Loops? Shall I grow a playoff goatee this season?”

“God, no.” Everyone in the immediate vicinity of the couple laughs and Sirius pulls up a chair next to his boyfriend.

“We’ll talk more about this later, I’m still confused, but Lils was trying to tell me something before you so rudely interrupted with my  _ disgusting monstrosity of a pizza _ ,” Remus says, mimicking Sirius’ accent. He then pointedly takes a big bite of the slice and turns his whole body to Lily. “What were you saying, love? Last time you acted like this, Sirius gained a godson.” Lily looks at the two boys for a second, a soft smile on her face. Remus hesitates a little at that.

“Are you pregnant again? Are we getting another Harry?” Sirius asks, leaning into the conversation. Lily’s face breaks into a grin.

“ _ God _ , no. One Harry is plenty. And seven months is  _ not _ long enough to forget the trauma of childbirth. No, definitely not pregnant.” Lily pauses, smiling mischievously. “James is gonna kill me for telling you this, especially you, Sirius, but…” she leans in and whispers, “we’re engaged.” Her face practically glows with flushed happiness. The couple freezes for a second. And bursts into exclamations and congratulations and “ _ mon dieu _ ”’s and many, many hugs. The quiet, but excited chatter only halts when a loud sniff is heard behind them. The three hugging friends look up to see their waiter in full tears, streaks of makeup running off his face.

“James!” all three of them shout in unison, making the whole table turn to see the scene. Many barks of laughter and yells of surprised amusement arise as the company pieces together what has been happening all evening.

“Pots, why the hell are you sobbing?” Finn shouts.

“‘M not sobbing, just a little teary, you giant ass,”

“Hear, hear to that, Fish,” Logan concurs, raising his glass. He sounds like a teasing friend to any prying ears, but still succeeds in eliciting eyerolls from some of the other teammates.

“Right, well, passing over Harzy’s ass,” Dumo cuts in, “what has Potty all misty-eyed? Remus, have you been telling him about Sirius’ birthday party? Allez, share with the class.” Remus just shakes his head, turning to James. James takes a deep breath and makes a big show of clearing his throat and straightening his collar.

Dorcas pulls in tight on James elated face and when he shouts, “I’M MARRYING LILY FUCKING EVANS!”, she captures the surprised delight of the whole Lions team, as they erupt into screams.

~~~

_ Fade to black. Text appears on the screen. It reads: _

_ Congratulations to James and Lily Potter on their new union. Best wishes for a long and happy marriage. _

_ Love, _

_ Your Lion Pride. _

_ A picture appears below the text. A photo of James and Lily kissing on their wedding day, James looking handsome in a black suit and loose top button of his dress shirt, Lily ethereal in her gauzy white dress. Sirius laughs lovingly on and Remus claps with an overjoyed smile on his face. _

_ A quick clip lights the screen once more. _

_  
**Dumo (shaking his head, unimpressed):** I knew the whole time. What kind of father doesn’t recognize his own kids? _

_ Cut to black. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the sweet responses to this silly little fic. Once again, characters and universe belong to lumosinlove. I have a couple more little blurbs that fit in this thread, but if you have suggestions, do let me know! I can be found @fortheloveofmundanity on tumblr as well :D


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